I'm a massage therapist, a bit of a dreamer, and SSRI success story (ongoingly). I'm an outgoing introvert, Hufflepuff, cat mom, avid reader, aspiring hippy, and lover of deep conversations over almost any liquid (y'know, coffee, tea, wine, beer, kombucha, water...)
One, they do not owe you anything. Two, you do not owe them anything. Three, the one you owe is you. Just like you already know if your love is returned or not, you know the thing(s) to do. Do them.
Be good to yourself. Be good to the other. Move forward, life and love will come.
Sorry for the accidental hiatus last Friday! Last week was my first full week of DOING MY OWN THING and the days sort of got away from me. First, I took a four day vacation (something I never do) to see friends, then I watched my adorable baby niece, and then… I just worked. In my first week full-time massaging, I did 12 massages. Which felt like a pretty good confirmation that– It’s all going to be alright.
But– I am doing pretty badly about the whole schedule thing. I thrive on schedules. So I have been going to bed at a decent hour and waking up… never. Why is waking up so hard? How do people bounce out of bed with hours to spare? The constant rain recently hasn’t helped, either. It all feels like time to nap for me!
I’m not sure actually how to get out of this. I’m working and doing those sorts of things, but things like… say, cleaning my house, or mowing my yard… well, it’s getting left behind in only the way it can with me sleeping on my couch.
I think one of my solutions is coffee. (I mean, what? HOw could that be a solution?) Hear me out. I normally didn’t drink coffee at home on my days off before. A day here or there without coffee, well it hurt, but I could manage. But I AM up early every morning for kitty breakfast and I think I need to just start throwing coffee down my throat at that point– no going back to sleep for me!
But more than anything, what I’ve been reminding myself today is to give myself grace. No name-calling. No chastising. No hating on myself because I was extra tired or didn’t get the yard mowed before it rained (again). Things will come. Schedules and routines will be built again. Yes, I need to put in effort towards that. But when I have a day when it all seems like a failure– that’s okay! I just needed that time off.
Back to getting things done– how do you self-employeds do it? How do you wake yourself up? What is your motivation? What names don’t you call yourself?
The long-awaited last week of employment– here we are! I am officially (as of Friday) not really employed anywhere– eep!
This week, I’ve taken it easy, got to hang out with my baby niece all day Tuesday (#auntielife), got a massage, and generally freaked out just slightly.
The Parent Trap (circa 1998) was easily in my top five movies as a kid. The fashion holds up today. (Abbi, what were your top five? Well, if you insist… Probably ANYTHING Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Milo & Otis, Chicken Run, The Parent Trap, and the Princess Bride)
What do you unnecessarily spend money on? Mine is on food– or, going out for food. I hate cooking at home, or at least tell myself I do, mostly because I wait until I’m “too tired or hungry” to wade through a recipe, so I order out (Grubhub is both my best friend and my arch enemy). Anyways, I’m eyeing unneeded expenses and hoping to cut down. Wish me luck!
I’ve spoken recently about my anxiety and the habit of rehearsing. This article gives some good tips for “over-thinking” which is kind of the same thing? Anyways, I’ve kept a few pages in my BuJo for gratitude and that has helped a lot (tip 6), but the biggest thing for me is to recognize the pattern and step out of it.
This week was slower paced. I had every single evening free– and really didn’t know what to do with myself! I painted for a friend (trim and doors), I planted all of the plants I’d been gifted by my mom and aunt, I napped. It was… nice.
I love this article about parenting in France. Really, I have no idea what parenting is like here in the US, but this is just really intriguing to me.
Melancholy is my jam— I think, like this author, I feel happiest when I’m just a bit blue. And, reiterating what she says– not in the way I feel when I’m in a depression slump, but just a nice, casual blue day. It’s lovely and cozy and I think helps me access some of my heavier emotions without getting too bogged down. Give me a rainy day, any day.
Take a break before the breakdown— I did this last weekend. Even though I probably could have gotten a few more massage appointments in last Friday, I instead scheduled an entire day off for myself– and did NOTHING. It was exactly what I needed, and lent itself to a slower-paced weekend which, in turn, helped me gear up for a few more weeks of madness.
Another food one. Because nothing says summer like caprese salad!!
This weekend is a whole different pace than the week was– my office took home Office of the Year (for the fifth time in a row?) so we’re celebrating tonight, complete with a stay at a charming BnB and brunch Saturday morning! I think I’ve been prepping for it all week, ready to go hard!
I’m leaving my office job, I’ve talked about it here before. Next week is my very last week. For the first time in nearly 5 years (just 2 weeks shy!), I won’t be employed there anymore. I was telling my friend this yesterday, and after a bit of chatting, he asked “how are you feeling about it?” And I told him, quite honestly “well, really good– until I just told you about it!”
All of a sudden, the anxiety came crashing in. I’m a creature of habit and comfort. I like knowing, I like schedules, I like routine. I like being good at a thing.
And stepping into the unknown is scary. So scary. Especially as I don’t have all the pieces in place yet. So my anxiety is growing– I’m having trouble sleeping, my heart keeps racing, and I’m falling into the familiar thought patterns I call “rehearsing.” This is my brain’s way of trying to cope– I go over things. I go over schedules, I go over plans, I go over all the things I need to do, I go over how I’m going to do them, I go over all the near-misses. Over and over. Anxiety growing. Pre-medication, this is how my brain operated about 90% of the time. It’s exhausting.
Stepping away from this job is the right thing. It’s the right time. I’m ready to spend my time and effort on my own dreams. I’m ready to create my own life. But it’s so scary.
I know things will work out. I know change takes time. I know things will fall into place. It’s just trusting that it’ll all fall at the right times, which are often just a little bit further away than I’d like. So this week (and probably next), I’m doing everything I can to keep calm– deep breathing, lots of rest, lots of distractions, lots of journaling, and even CBD oil.
Wish me luck and happy thoughts in the upcoming weeks! Change is hard, ya’ll!
Not sure how everyone else is feeling this week, as I’ve felt a bit disconnected and withdrawn. I’ve been running so hard recently that this crash of a week was bound to happen. I’m taking Friday off this week– my first WHOLE DAY OFF in quite a while. But sometimes, you gotta… Listen to your hearts, ya’ll.
I’ve been on #TeamLiveAlone for 6 years now. I’ve learned these lessons and so many more.
Busy busy busy? You may be avoiding something. What could it be…? Take a minute, read this article, then think about it– what are you avoiding?
Oh Dear Drea is the blog I’ve followed the longest, since back before I really understood what a blog was. I’ve enjoyed watching her life change and her kid grow, even if they really are all strangers. In this post, she had some good musings about travel and not having to love every spot you visit.
Do you have trouble saving money? What are your techniques for improvement? Personally, I have an app that functions as a basic ledger (checkbook) and I keep things in “accounts.” While this money is all actually in the same account, I can move things around on my app (and in my head) and into specific things I’m saving for or emergency funds. It’s like I’m hiding money from myself, which honestly– I sometimes need.
If you live in Indy, do yourself a favor and swing by Shapiro’s Deli this weekend. Every time I go, it’s like rediscovering a hidden gem. It’s like I forget how great it is every time– until I walk in again. Dear Shapiro’s, I promise to stop forgetting how wonderful you are.
Ironic that I talked about how busy I’ve been, but then posted a link on how busy isn’t all that great? To be honest, I’ve never been a busy bee. I love taking it easy and having days off. It’s just this transition time, which I’ve talked about before. I’m working hard with a foot in both worlds right now, trying to make my dreams work by moving forward (while finishing up the old stuff). Two more weeks and I’m done at the office. I’m ready, I think. But still very freaked out.
What a hot, sticky week! This week, I celebrated Independence Day inside in air conditioning, picked at a leftover stars and stripes cake, and ate Hotbox Pizza to my heart’s content. What I’m saying is– I’ve been living my best life.
I have definitely used this recipe for pesto because I don’t have a food processor and I wanted to know if it was possible (answer: duh, we’ve been doing this for a long time). Also, just like my mama, I made lots of substitutions. Lesson learned: do you. Chop like crazy. Cooking has been around for longer than kitchen gadgets and “must haves.”
Mac and Cheese is my go-to comfort food. And now there’s a scientific reason why!
This is probably my favorite thing I’ve read all week– a listing of first dates. Don’t read if you’re squeemish about dating and/or human sexuality. I’d love to make a list like this someday, but I think my first date stories are just boring. Not terrible, just really, really dull.