Well, well, well… If it isn’t me, dipping out and dipping back in again. Truly, I’m going to have to do something to make myself write more often.
The truth is– summer isn’t a great time for me. I tend to go inside myself in a deep way and not even notice until the first crisp fall morning peaks its head out. That’s when I go back to feeling alive.
In the summer, I feel scorched. Death earth style. I am barren and have nothing to offer. Anyways, that’s how I tend to feel. And I noticed again this weekend, that’s exactly where I’ve been living. I am on the eve of fall and another life change. How many times have I blown up my life? I’ve lost count, but I’m about to do it again. In the name of pursuing what I want to do with my life. In the name of being who I want to be in this life. But the preparations have exhausted me. And I’ve drifted out of touch with myself, again.
But now that I’ve had a taste of inhabiting my body again, I’m clinging to it. You live here, remember?! I’m only doing what you’re asking me to do! Focus less on the numbers and more on the life you’re building! It’s a tall order.
I could use a week’s worth of naps, a lot of hugs, and a submersion in a pool. Like the kind where you hold your breath and sit on the bottom of the pool and feel your hair floating up around you and the cool water touching you everywhere and even though you’re not breathing, you feel the most alive you’ve ever felt. I could use that. And, again… the naps.